My First Blog

I want my first blog to be meaningful, to catch your eye - so you will be intrigued. I want you to want to get to know me, think me intelligent and interesting.  I also want to be funny, making this light and readable. I want to share my true feelings - hoping others may relate. Maybe help someone else. Help myself! Keep my sanity.

I am going to try to keep this about me - not about others in my life. I just married a great guy - I fell in love finally in my life and it's wonderful. I don't want to talk about my husband too much (but probably will) - more how I am adjusting to this new life. He has a pony tail and a Harley - he's pretty cool. We ride.

I'm 51. I don't feel 51. Who does? I'm waiting for menopause - I want to blame all of this on that, but it's so illusive. Am I really a raging b----?

I'm starting a new job in a week.  Last job - 9 years. Time to move on. Not doing anything I love. Sticky subject. More later.

Have two cats - they are peeing and I am crying. How did this happen? Was it when my husband's cat came to visit for a few weeks and started the whole thing? This really makes me rage! So, I purchased a $700 ozone generater. What? Yes, an ozone generater. It's not here yet. It's supposed to eliminate odors of all kinds. I'll let you know if it works.

On Sunday, I left my keys in the restroom at Starbucks, had to find them before driving away, of course, but I left my credit card there too - didn't notice till the next day - went back and it was there. Was in Whole Foods yesterday, left my phone there. Have to go get it today. I am not usually like this - leaving stuff - being such a space case but I'm really stressed. When I get stressed I want to cry, I want to eat. I usually eat.

Then I hate myself. While writing this I see myself away from it and think - my god am I still doing this at 51? Still eating emotionally? STILL? I've done it all my life and it HAS NOT changed. Have I learned nothing in life? How can this still be happening? Gaining and losing weight - I keep doing it! I'm doing one or the other always. It's nice to have this little minute to stop - to maybe take a deep breath and look back at what I've written - what I've been going through lately and just slow down.

And, I can't just start writing about religion or spirituality - like it being the answer to all life's problems. It has not been that for me. I have searched. I am searching. I want to believe in something - hopefully in something bigger than myself. Hopefully something loving and peaceful. I've tried to BE LOVE. Ok, what? I'm human - I am not perfect - yet I want perfect love. I don't know if I believe in GOD but I yell at him - guess I believe in him.  How do I know if Jesus is the answer? I'm reading the bible to see if I can find out.

Read in Acts 1:24-26 last night - the disciples prayed and asked Jesus who should be the replacement of the 12th disciple - then they voted. They didn't wait for something from Heaven - they acted after they prayed. Then I questioned - is God there for everything?

Later - Cat